Happy Valentine’s to Me from Zeus, My Heart Dog

zues-heartI will always associate Valentine’s Day with Zeus and chocolates. For those who don’t know of him: Zeus was my heart dog. You know how once someone is dead, he or she becomes basically a Saint? Not Zeus! I loved him the way he was. Yes, I could have done it with all the stealing and the emergency visits, but I would not have changed a thing about him. Not one!

Today, I think that if he had to write something about his life, that’s what he would have written.

“My life started when I was over 3 years old. Let’s just forget the first three years of my life where happiness was not on the menu.

I had been brought by my last owners to a noisy place filled with dogs, some nice, some sad, some angry, and some hungry too, including me. Food has always been my Achilles’s heel!

It was such a weird place. People were walking by the cages, looking at me, and then passing me. That was until I saw her. She was walking and I made sure to lock my eyes in hers. She stopped. I looked at her, sitting quietly, wagging my tail. She had to know that I was the sweetest dog on earth. Wouldn’t you think so? They took me out, and I met her outside. It was love at first sight.

Two days later, on October 10, 2000, she took me home. It was a home I had to share with Douchka, a German shepherd, and Pouch, good old Pouch, a Golden Retriever. They seemed nice…. Until the next morning. After gulping down my food, I decided to see if I could taste Douchka’s. It was a bad idea. I learned! Douchka attacked me, but thanks to my Mom, she put herself between the two of us, and she was the one who got Douchka’s teeth in her arm. I was so scared she was going to take me back to that ugly place.

She did not. Instead, and don’t get me wrong, I am not bragging…. I became hers, and she belonged to me. I even gave her for Xmas one of those dog tags saying that she belonged to me, just in case she gets lost! I forgot, she changed my name. I had an ugly name before: Smudge. I became Zeus. Quite a change!

She had dogs before, but I was the first one who was just hers, no sharing there. I would not have tolerated it! I liked her girls a lot, but I loved her even more than food.

I went everywhere with her. From her office (I mean I went with her until I stole a sandwich from her boss, then, I did not get a chance to go back that often.) I loved being in her truck. One time, I remember, she took me grocery shopping. She went first to buy some bread and croissants, then she went to another place. I thought she had left the bread and croissants for me to kill time while she was somewhere else, but now that I think about it, I am not that sure! She did not seem too happy.

Pouch and Douchka were cool once you knew them. Douchka was very protective of us. No one could touch us when we were with her.

My Mom was really cool too. She was leaving everywhere some tokens of love for me. I wanted to please her, so I swallowed everything she put on my way even though sometimes it did not taste that good, but I did not want to disappoint her. One of the worst gifts was a black thing which started ringing when it was in my stomach. I swear that thing made me nauseous. Fortunately, it stopped soon. Real weird you know when your stomach rings, and then seeing Mom rushing to me, screaming like if I had been lost or something and that she had just found me! I was there the whole time!

Another time, it was that black thing Mom left by her computer. She was always using it there, and leaving it for me. So, I took it. Who could blame me to swallow that mouse, except that they were all lying: it was not a mouse. It was hard and bald. A huge disappointment!

One time, she got really upset with me. I guess it was because I did not eat it as fast as I should have, and again, I did not want to hurt her feelings but it did not taste that good! I was sleeping on our bed, and she came in, and placed near me a cute little pink bag with a bra and some other stuff in it. When she came back, I was just hardly finishing the bag, and she really got upset but I did my best. The bra was hard to chew. And I did not even have water nearby! She did not realize how good I was to finish the whole thing so fast!

Mom took me with her girls to many places. My favorite one was the beach in Florida where I had my own pool. Sometimes, I allowed her to use it as well as the girls, but it was mine. I had a good buddy at that time, another black lab named Hunter, but that poor thing was afraid of the water! Maybe he was not a real lab, I don’t know!

I remember that time where I hurt my knee and had to have surgery. That place was so frightening without her around. The next day, she came back to get me, and, since I could not climb stairs, she slept with me for over a month in a sleeping bag next to me.

Oh, and Christmas, I loved Christmas! One year, she put chocolate boxes around the tree for me. It had to be for me. I love chocolate so much but I don’t know why each time she was taking me to that emergency place where they were not that nice. Since I was adamant about not sharing my chocolates with them, they were making me barf!

I think ONE TIME, I made a mistake, OK, sue me! Mom had guests for dinner, and put those cute little chocolate boxes by each plate. I thought it was a mistake on her part, so I tried to correct it as fast as I could. I certainly did not want her guests to notice the faux pas! I swallowed chocolates, boxes, everything. That time, I saw several vets at different places. They were nice though, and you know they always made me feel special when they were seeing me in the waiting room. They were saying “Hi Zeus, you are here again!” It was the time where I started to lose my hair on my back and tail, and it was so humiliating!

That’s when I met another vet, Barbara Kummel, and I loved her to pieces. She was so nice to me, and my hair grew back, and each time she was giving me a treat. I know she passed away too, but I did not have a chance to say hi yet.

I started to have pains in my joints. It is really not fun to get old. I could not jump into my truck anymore so Mom got a cool ramp. I could not climb stairs anymore so we moved to a house where everything was on the same level. The previous house, I could not go to her bedroom so she had to sleep on the couch.

The new house was so exciting! I was sleeping in my Mom’s bedroom on a big bed but Jessica sometimes was screaming my name from downstairs because she was saying she could not sleep when I was wagging my tail. Hey man, I was happy … Had to wag that tail!

Eulogy to my Slippers


Zoe the “Show Queen.”

Someone has to be held responsible! And yes, I plead guilty! I knew, I know, and I should know in the future, but my brain doesn’t seem to register it!

Therefore, I am now barefoot in the house! I can’t wear flip flops. Seriously? It’s 15 degrees outside. I would look silly with them in the house surrounded by 1 foot of snow outside! So I am barefoot!

I had slippers, the best ones ever, the comfy one, the cute ones from Target! Yes, yes, yes, I am a Target girl! The proof? Right now because of my love for Target, I receive every day phone calls from people who want to get my SS and all my info telling me that they can lower the rates on the credit card I don’t have to almost nothing! And I can’t even report them since they are calling me from numbers which don’t exist. Is it paranoia or what?

Anyway to go back to Target, every year I get a pair of these comfy socks/slippers. Last fall, when my feet needed some TLC, I bought a new pair, but kept the old ones as well, just because. Let me tell you “just because” was not even enough!

I have a dog, I have dogs, OK, I have a pack, and even though sometimes I give myself the illusion of being the “alpha,” I don’t think they see it that way, at least not all the time!

One of them is a beautiful girl, yellow, with a long nose (her face looks more like a collie) and sometimes I wonder if Lola, her Mom, did not have a quick affair with the postman’s dog or something! Anyway, Zoe is a yellow lab. She is blonde, and has a lot of “Zoe moments.”

Since she was born (hey I was there!) she had a thing with shoes. At 8 weeks old, she was stealing my sneakers when she managed to find them, and using them (one at the time) as a pacifier. Shoes make her feel good. I follow her there honestly. I love shoes or should I say I loved shoes? My taste in shoes has greatly evolved: from high heels, I am now at cowboys boots! But Zoe doesn’t mind the change. OK, if she could still get into a pair of stilettos, she probably would, but my change of style really never bothered her.

So, to go back to my slippers, I forgot – sue me! I am just human! – my pair of slippers under my desk when I left to run an errand! As soon as I came back home, I knew that a cold murder had taken place on the couch: the remains of one of them was there, while Zoe, seeing my “look”, just flew away with the remaining one! Some could think that Zoe is somewhat “mentally challenged” but let me tell you, she knew exactly what she was doing: she went straight to her crate, sat there with the slipper between her front legs and looked at me like “You can’t catch me!” Rule #1 in the house: their crates are untouchable. I will never punish someone with a smack on his or her butt when they are in their crates. She knew it! So, I took my remaining slipper, and closed the gate to her crate! I can’t touch you girlfriend, but I can still lock you up!

You could have thought that I learned my lesson. I went back to my last year pair of slippers grateful I did not get rid of them! I was keeping them safe whenever I was leaving the house. Those slippers are good you see because on top of being warm, they have  rubber soles allowing me to go outside to feed the birds to name one thing! I love birds….. as long as they are wild, free, and don’t interfere with my life meaning don’t you dare try to come inside the house. I have a feather phobia! No clue where it came from, but from the minute I have been walking which is like a half century ago, you could have made me run a marathon by going after me with a feather!

That afternoon I left home, and put my cherished slippers on the counter in my kitchen. Don’t frown: my slippers are not worse than my cats who made the kitchen counters their home away from home! I was feeling good about it because Zoe doesn’t jump. There are two thieves/jumpers in this house: Jackson and Sophie. These two are also the two who never beg at the table, because if they want something, they just help themselves. Begging is beneath them!

Breaking news like would say Nancy Grace: Zoe jumped to get my slippers! And yes I found the remains of one where its sibling had died a week before.

I did not even have to run behind her. She was already in her crate. You see, I can’t punish her, and I would certainly not skip her meal or anything similar. Zeus was starved by the previous families he was with before I rescued him. Making her skip a meal would be cruel and insane!


Zoe having a “Zoe Moment.”

I gave a eulogy to both pairs of slippers: they kept me safe in the snow or ice; they warmed my feet, and protected them against 14 front paws with nails! They were good little slippers.

So now what? I went to Target desperately seeking twins of my slippers. But what can you expect from Target in the middle of February with a foot of snow outside? Winter slippers had already been kicked out of their stores to be replaced by exotic flip flops! Makes sense, right?

Since I am the only one to blame for the senseless murders of my two pairs of slippers, I am now barefoot in the house! That will teach me! Yes, now my feet are like veterans from a lost war with bruises from loving nails from my loving crew!

But I do have a secret: I am expecting! Yes! They should be coming as soon as my postman can access my mailbox buried in the snow (hopefully this weekend since it’s supposed to be in the 50’s!), then he will just have to cross a pond of melted dirty snow! Being a Target girl all the way, I just ordered online one of their last pairs: pink with little pompoms! Am I going to be cute with them or what? And Zoe, not a chance you will get near those: wherever I will go, the slippers will follow me! Got it, girl?

Declawing your kitty? Are you serious?

It always amazes me how everyone became so glued to their phone. Seriously, people? Can we rewind a bit there, and be able to walk your dog, do your grocery shopping, or take your kid to the park WITHOUT TALKING ON YOUR DARN PHONE?

Anyway, I was grocery shopping while I heard a woman telling someone on the phone as well as all the patrons of the store that she had to pick up her cat soon after he got declawed. She just mentioned it like it was something as casual as a manicure!

Declawing has nothing to do with a manicure. What if your cat was taking you to get a declawing? Let me explain to you what it is. If declawing was performed on a human, it would mean to CUT OFF EACH FINGER AT THE LAST KNUCKLE. Want to be casual about it?

They suffer, they freaking suffer on top of the fact that by removing their nails, you remove their defense if one day they escape. They will be at the mercy of any predator.

This is exactly why humans are really pissing me off more and more! Humans don’t want to adjust to the environment or to their pets. Environment or pets have to adjust to them. Did I miss something somewhere? Is it part of an amendment I have not been aware of written by our Founding Fathers?

I live in the country side around DC, meaning that yes I was privileged being able to watch nature around instead of people. It just changed not long ago since someone built a monster house next door to me. You know with 2 kids and a dog you need a bare minimum of 7,000 square feet! So anyway, I will be moving soon, but I witnessed so many people around here, moving from the city to the suburbs and complaining about the wild critters. Breaking news: they were there before you. I still remember that woman complaining that she spent over half a million of dollars in her yard with bushes and trees, and the deer ate the bushes! No kidding, lady! If you can spend $500,000 in bushes, why don’t you spend a few more bucks to get a fence high enough for Bambi not to jump over?

Declawing is the same thing. You want a cat, but at the same time, you want to make him fit your environment. We could call him the “Stepford cat”! There are solutions to keep your furniture safe without going through that barbaric surgery which will also alter your cat’s personality forever.

Nail Trimming

You have to trim their nails. Have you looked at them? Those things are dangerous! Seriously! On top of it, I have dogs, and even though my cats and dogs are getting along, you can never know what one of my kitties could do since he has a perverted sense of humor! He loves to hide and catch the dogs’ tails with his nails to give you an example.

So, get ready to trim those claws!
Step 1: Don’t go straight at your cat with nails clippers the first time. It takes some taming here! When Kitty goes to your lap, let him get accustomed little by little at having his feet handled. Doing this every day for a while will make it less stressful for your cat and for you!

Step 2: You should have someone with you to handle Kitty when Trimming Day is here! Cats have a very good memory, and if it becomes a fight the first time, it would be Hell in the future! Don’t expect your cat to stay still for 10 or 15 minutes. No one has that kind of tolerance!

Step 2: Do it on a regular basis, so you will become good at it. Trust me on that one! The only thing you have to clip anyway is the sharpest part at the very end of the nail. This is not like for dogs, just a tiny part has to be removed. If you hit a quick (blood and nerves which provide feeling to the nails), have “Quick Stop” to apply to stop the bleeding. Most likely you won’t need it since the sharpest part of the nail is at the very end, so only a tiny bit needs to be removed anyway.

Cats Do Scratch

Scratching is a normal feline behavior, and every cat should have at least one scratch post.
You are going to tell me that you have 5 scratching posts in hour house but that your cat prefers your leather sofa!

Maybe they are not at the right place. Try to monitor your cat to see when he feels the most like scratching. Is it after meal time? After a nap? When he is stressed by someone coming? You have to put the post on his path.

Your kitty scratches a specific spot of your carpet or your sofa? You can find at PetSmart something called “Smart Cat Sticky Paws sheet.” They are applied and removed easily from carpet or furniture once your cat acquires good manners and it will prevent any scratching since they absolutely dislike the texture of those sheets.

Fake Nails

If despite of the nails trimming and the posts, your cat is still trying to kill your carpet or your furniture, there are cool fake nails that you can glue to his or her own nails. It comes in cool colors if you kitty is into fashion but clear ones are available as well.

As always there are solutions far less drastic and barbaric than surgery. You can let your kitty be a kitty without fearing for your kids, other pets or furniture! I would love to hear from all the kitties’ parents now and share pictures! No “Stepford Cat” please!

Am I Poisoning My Dogs?

image003_495This morning, it just hit me. I was fixing their food and as usual, I had a concert of whining because I am never fast enough! Sorry guys, but it takes a few minutes for Honest Kitchen dehydrated food to become REAL FOOD that you can swallow in 1 minute and 2 seconds. Each meal I fix for them makes me laugh…. It’s like Thanksgiving for humans. I spend so much time in the kitchen, and then half an hour later, it’s all done and gone…

Right now, they are all sleeping in my office because that’s what they do, they follow me all over the house. This is their mission in life: giving me as much love, and company they could think of. If I take too long of a shower, I start hearing them getting annoyed on the other side of the door, because, yes, sometimes there is a door between them and I, and I can tell you one thing: they don’t like it. The only time where all the doors within the house stayed open, it was after George’s death. That death hit us all pretty bad. One day, he was there, playful, loving, funny George, the next day, I came back empty handed. September 2012 was the month where I had to take showers with my six labs in the bathroom with me or they were howling at the door and freezing my blood which was already not that warm with George’s death.

There is always a before and after in every story. There is a “before George” and “after George”. During that Labor Day weekend, that Sunday, I had friends over, and they were all over George saying how beautiful he was, how shiny his coat was, how all of them were so healthy and beautiful. Yeah, right, the next day, George was at the emergency, and the day after, I had to put to sleep my sweet boy, so telling me, vets or friends, that my dogs are beautiful, healthy, shiny coats, etc., doesn’t do anything for me now.

George’s death, I tried to understand it. He was diagnosed with Lyme Nephritis. The day after his death, my whole bunch went to my vet for blood tests, and the whole nine yards. They were some off values related to kidneys. My vet suggested I test the well water, and sure enough they were some bacteria in the water. As the well guys explained to me, it’s nothing bad if you are healthy, but if you are not, let’s just say that it’s not going to improve your health. So, since that September 2012, my pack has only bottled water, thanks to Deer Park for that one! I was so paranoid with the water that the summer 2012 was the last time I had their kiddie pool outside.

That water was the enemy. I had to find someone to be guilty for my boy, right, so I took it on the water. It’s an old well with bacteria which go with the fact that it’s old, and there is not much I can do since I don’t own the house. That water is funny, you see, because it’s clear, it’s odorless but in my book it’s the enemy!

George’s death hit me hard, not only because he was only 3 years old, but also because I am so paranoid about what they eat. They had a grain free kibbles which was supposed to be real good, and the treats come out of my dehydrator or my oven. Dogs are like kids, and you get them accustomed to healthy treats. They will get as nuts as if you were giving them dog “fast food”. If I say the word “carrots”, I have 6 labs rushing to the fridge to get one, and when I say one, this is not totally true because Sophie anticipates, and is never satisfied with one. She has to grab at least two or three, you know, just in case of bad days ahead of her! That’s my Sophie. She is the only dog I know who doesn’t live in the present moment but thinks ahead. My tomboy, my love bug, my hunter girl who catches squirrels on a weekly basis. Basically, the squirrels that come to my backyard have to have a death wish!

Every year, they have their annual checkup with blood tests, urine, fecal. You name it, they have it. Last year again, in all six labs, the kidney values were all normal except one: the creatinine. My vet told me not to worry about it. It was probably coming from the food which was a great food. Gosh, I never heard that one before: each time something is off, blame it on the quality of the food you are giving them. It’s too good of a food. Besides the labs, I also have a Cairn terrier, who is without any doubt, the alpha of the bunch. His name is Sammie. I do believe that Sammie in another life was a sheep dog of some sort. When my pack is outside, and I call them in, he goes after each of them to make them go faster by barking at them and maybe chewing a bit on their hind legs if they are not fast enough! So, despite of his exercise, Sammie needs to lose two or three pounds. I started to reduce his calories intake but he doesn’t lose an ounce, Okay maybe one or two. Here again, my vet blamed it on the food which is too good. He gets less than 400 calories a day. How can he not lose any weight?

Six months ago or so, I asked the opinion of a holistic veterinarian to see what I can improve in my pack (it was basically to ask her what I could do for two of my girls who had a high Ph in their urine, and I did not want to give them the meds they were taking for it, and were useless anyway: Methio-Form). That’s another story.

She suggested the raw diet or the best after that would be “The Honest Kitchen”. The raw diet won’t be happening anytime soon. With 6 labs, I would go bankrupt in no time, and then you would see me at the corner of a big intersection with a sign: “Homeless and I need food for my dogs!” Just kidding. So I went for Honest Kitchen “Force” which would be the least processed food. Kibbles are still very much processed, so I was feeling good, and I was not the only one. Gosh THEY LOVE THAT FOOD! I know they are labs, and love any food, but the constant whining, drooling while I fix it is just too funny. The food is organic and human range, and my dogs look so good. Go back, scratch that one!

Anyway, this month was checkup time again, and again the creatinine value is far too high. Most of them are the higher end of normal, but Jackson is not even in the normal range. It’s just high. All the other kidney values are normal, so my vet gave me his explanation: there are 5% of dogs with high creatinine numbers but there is nothing wrong about it. Sorry, but this time, I don’t take it. I don’t like statistics anyway, and yes he blames the food again.

So today, I was in the kitchen, fixing their meals, and thinking: “what if I am the one to poison them?

Instead of the whole nine yards, we are going to the next step “the whole ten yards” thanks to Bruce Willis for this step ahead! The next step is going to be an internist, as a matter of fact, George’s internist at the Life Center in Leesburg, because the 5% is not a good enough answer for me. I am also writing this to see if anyone (who was patient enough to read everything until the last lines) had any similar experience with grain free food? Am I doing something wrong by doing something too good? This morning I am lost, but I know one thing though I am looking for a real answer, not statistics.

A New Year’s Resolution: Getting the Pets in Shape!

It’s the start of a new year, a typical time for many to take steps towards a healthier lifestyle. It’s old news that there is an “obesity epidemic” in America, and most people are aware that there is a plethora of health complications associated with being overweight. It is also coming to public attention that there is a similar obesity epidemic in the American pet population. It is estimated by the Association for Pet Obesity Prevention (APOP) that 55.6% of pet dogs and 54% of cats are overweight or obese. Obesity is caused by a combination of factors, including genetics, but can be boiled down basically to taking in more calories than are used by the body. From a cultural standpoint, pet animals are becoming obese because of a modern, first-world lifestyle. Many owners express affection to their pets by feeding them, often overfeeding or feeding rich treats. There was a time when most cats and dogs roamed outdoors all day long, but now most are relatively sedentary. Many owners don’t spend the time to walk the dog, and many cats are indoor only with limited space for activity.

Just like humans, dogs and cats can have many health problems that are secondary to or exacerbated by being overweight. They can develop diabetes, have high blood pressure (which in turn can stress the heart and damage the kidneys), and have increased strain on joints leading to or worsening conditions like cruciate ligament tears in the knees and osteoarthritis. Obesity can even be linked to increased risk of certain forms of cancer. According to the Association for Pet Obesity Prevention (APOP), studies suggest that being overweight can decrease our pets’ life expectancy (up to 2.5 years). Maintaining an ideal weight for our pets is obviously important for maximizing their longevity and quality of life.

So… where do I start?

A reliable and practical place to start getting in shape is going to the doctor’s for a routine physical exam! Too many humans neglect to do this; many pets are also not checked up unless they are due for vaccines or have a perceived problem. Keep in mind that cats and dogs lifespans are shorter than a human’s, so in a sense an annual physical exam could equate to a check-up every 6 to 8 years – a lot can change in that amount of time! The vet can address any of your concerns regarding your pet’s weight as well. Get their opinion on whether there needs to be any changes in diet, exercise, or if any blood tests need to be run, as there can be underlying metabolic diseases that can affect a pet’s weight.

In evaluating the weight of dogs and cats, it’s not easy to go by numbers on a scale alone. The variety of shapes, body types, and ideal weights, even within specific breeds, can be staggering. The veterinarian on exam will evaluate your pet based on palpation as well as visual appearance, so a target weight can be estimated for your individual animal. For your own reference, you could always compare your pet to a Body Condition Scoring Chart, like the two below. (You can download a PDF version of both charts HERE.)


Very roughly speaking, regardless of the breed of your animal, they should still have a waist (where the body narrows down behind the ribcage, and the abdomen should tuck up) and you should be able to feel individual ribs without putting too much pressure on the chest. Many Americans are accustomed to seeing overweight dogs and cats by now, so our perceptions may be skewed by expectations. While you don’t want to see the spine, shoulder blades and hip bones sticking out, seeing some definition to the trunk of the pet is a good thing!

Selecting a quality pet food is also important to maintaining appropriate weight. While there are thousands of opinions as to what constitutes a good brand, what helps is to make sure the food has clinical nutrition trials to back it up and that it at least meets standards by the Association of American Feed Control Officials (AAFCO ) for being complete and balanced. Many owners are interested in creating home cooked diets or supplementing commercial pet food with table food, but if this is to be done properly a veterinary nutritional specialist should be consulted and a lot of good research should be put into formulating something balanced and appropriate. Home-cooked pet food recipes found on the internet may result in nutritional deficiencies and significant disease, if owners are not careful.

It is also very important to control how MUCH a pet is fed daily. Many owners will only roughly estimate how much a pet is fed, using non-standard “cups” to measure out portions; some will just “keep the bowl full.” If the food is left out for pets to eat at their own pace, at least a controlled total quantity should be offered. Feeding guidelines on the pet food bag or cans may even be overestimating how much should be fed, so these recommendations should be taken in light of the animal’s current body condition, activity level, etc. Also take into account how many calories are added into the daily diet by treats.

Often, if there is difficulty losing extra weight and other underlying medical issues have been addressed, the vet may recommend a specific veterinary prescription diet to help animals have decreased caloric intake while feeling more satisfied than they would if they just decreased their regular diet quantity. Often these prescription diets are higher in fiber or protein to help the animals feel more full, and some also are formulated to increase metabolic rate to help burn calories. Often, fatty commercial dog treats can be replaced with pieces of vegetables, which are often in large part water and fiber. (Unforunately, cats are carnivorous; but high protein and low carbohydrate diets are important for their weight management!)

Exercise is obviously an important component to maintaining healthy weight. It is also critical for our pets’ overall well-being and can be important for avoiding or resolving behavioral issues like anxiety, supposed hyperactivity, and destructiveness. For very overweight animals, it will be important to slowly increase activity over time to avoid injury. Walks and jogs are obviously mainstays for dogs, but for cats a little more creativity may be required. Investing in toys, laser pointers, etc. may be in your future!

For many helpful tools (such as calorie calculators) and much more information, go to www.PetObesityPrevention.com. Good luck and good health!


A Visit to the Vet by Jackson

image003Like every morning, I go with my Mom to get Zoe. Zoe sleeps at Jessica’s place, but that silly girl has to come home every morning to do her business in our yard. I found this pretty gross if you want my opinion.

Mom loves to take me with her anywhere she goes but I do provide some help with Zoe. You see, as soon as Zoe gets into my truck, she starts whining, and whining, and then screaming because she needs to go. When I am with Mom, I just bark once and it does it: she shuts up! Seriously that girl needs a reality check! Hello, there is grass somewhere else than in “my” yard!

So, anyway, we went to grab Zoe. Mom took her out of the truck. Zoe is one of those that Mom has to carry because she never figured out how to get out of the truck, but hey, I have known my sister for so long that I am quite accustomed to her non sense.

Zoe went inside the house, and I was waiting in the truck. First time it ever happened! Mom…. Hello…. Mom? I am still here? Mommmmmm! What’s happening here? I am hungry! My stomach is growling…. Mommmmm?

It seemed like it took Mom forever to come get me. Gosh, by then, I was so hungry. I went straight to the kitchen. Nothing. The others were already taking naps and taking it easy. Where is MY breakfast? Mommmmmmm….. I am hungry! She was in her office, and I went there and tried to get her attention by grabbing her arm. She kissed me, but did not move. Mom? Seriously? It’s not funny anymore! I need my food!

I went back to the kitchen, checked out the counter which was totally clean for once. I am usually the one in charge of it. What was happening here? That started to freak me out, let me tell you! I thought I was going to faint! I went to check the trash can just in case: EMPTY! Starting to get really upset, I went straight to the recycling: EMPTY! I was starting to panic: what if she had totally forgotten that I did not have breakfast? I tried to open the fridge, but she had put a chair in front of it!

Suddenly, Mom arrives, all smiles, and she called me to go back to the truck! Okay, maybe she ran out of my food, and we are going there. I like to go to that shop. One time, I managed to get lose and Gosh, I had a ball! I swallowed everything I could find on my path. Now, Mom is careful when we go there. She always checked my collar first. Still, most of the time I get that duck patty as a treat. I love ducks! One of my favorite foods in the whole wild world.

We were in the truck, Mom driving and I was next to her making sure we were safe. I tried to grab her arm a few times. I kind of like to have my paw in her hand in the truck. It just feels good. I suddenly realized that we were on the way to the swimming pool! Gosh…. Ok Mom I forgive you to have forgotten my breakfast. Between food and swimming, I go for the swim. I was so excited. I started talking to her. Go faster…. Faster woman! Suddenly we were stuck, and the truck was not moving! I was getting impatient and started barking! Mom got impatient too, and starting honking! It was getting fun. We started to move again.

I knew we were getting there. I know the way; I could walk there, except that I would not really be able to do so since my paws are kind of fragile on hard stuff! I could not wait to get to that pool! I love to swim! Then that guy, Ross, plays with me and sends a bumper in the pool and I grab it, he takes it back, he throws it, I grab it back. I could play forever!

YES! We are there! I knew it! I started getting antsy and….. MOMMMMM you passed the pool! Mom! Are you kidding me? Are you blind or something this morning? Mom! And I did not stop screaming until she stopped the truck some time later.

It was a place I have never been before. There was some grass, and she told me to pee! Okay, that’s what she says each time we go swimming. If I don’t pee before going in, then when I see Ross, the guy I play with in the pool, I am always so happy that I kind of forget myself! Hey, nobody’s perfect around here! It just might be another place where I can swim! I can’t wait! So, as soon as I get out, I pulled Mom fast, and she screamed at me to stop!

As soon as we arrived there, so many smells, but funny, I could not smell the pool stuff. Where was she taking me? Sometimes humans are really hard to read!

We went to a small room. The first thing Mom did was to break a small flower pot! Who is clumsy? You wanna tell me? Mom told me to shut up. Gosh that woman has no manners!

We were waiting and suddenly the door opened and a woman came. She looked sweet. She kneeled down, and petted me. She started talking how handsome I was, that I was taller than George! How the heck did she know George? He never ever mentioned anything about that place, but true, he left us long ago now!

Mom and “the” woman started talking, then she got something out of a cabinet, and I shrieked in horror “NO! I am not sick! I do not want to have my temperature taken! This is violating my rights! Any laws in this country protecting my privacy?

Then, we all left the room, but Mom did not come with me. I went to another place without her, and I really did not want to go without her. Was she leaving me there? I started to panic and barked loud. I think I scared all the other dogs who were crated there, and they looked quite sick! What on earth was I doing here?

Another lady joined us, and here we went to another room again. How many rooms does that place have anyway? There, she made me lie down, and at that point, I was really scared. They started shaving my tummy? Hello? That thing is tickling me! Can’t you stop?

Those humans sometimes are making me speechless. After shaving my tummy, they put some kind of jelly on it, and it was cold! Then, they started massaging me with something. I was so lost. I just wanted to go see my Mom. Mom, whatever I did to deserve this, I swear, I’ll be good!

Then, they wanted me to pee again. I mean, make up your mind, people. First, Mom makes me pee and now those strangers want me to do the same thing? I am shy, Okay? When I do my business, I do it behind bushes! They were pretty insistent so at the end, I did it. Happy, now?

Then, we went back to the room where were first, and Mom was waiting for me. I ran to her so fast, the woman who was holding me kind of tripped, but I did not care. All I wanted was my Mom. I was so happy to see her that I jumped on her lap, and I am telling you, nobody will make me stay away from her now!

The woman talked to my mom, and was petting me and saying that she loved to see healthy dogs, and that she used to have a lab herself, and that I was so handsome, she could not get over it. I know. Very often, I have that effect on people. When they see me, they are just stunned how handsome and perfect I am.

We finally left. As soon as we got into the truck, Mom got from under the seat a bag with those duck patties I was telling you about a bit earlier. Okay woman, you are forgiven. I just gulped the whole thing down, but then I was a bit thirsty. Mom was laughing and pulled a bowl that she filled with water from a bottle. That’s my Mom! I know she loves me, but I haven’t figured out the meaning of this trip!

We did not go back home the same way. Instead we took kind of a weird stuff. Our truck was on a boat and we crossed a river. That was kind of cool. Mom opened my window, and there were so many smells. I decided I kind of liked it. I don’t like bridges. If I walk with my Mom, and there is a bridge, I brake with my four legs. By now Mom knows that I don’t do bridges!

We finally made it home. Just on time for our daily snack: carrots! Of course, as soon as I got into the house, all the others were all over me and asking me where I have been. I shook my head and told them “Don’t even ask!”